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Couples Sex Therapy
Problems with sex and intimacy can feel bigger than other relationship problems.
Intimacy is a big part of most relationships. Does it feel like affection, intimacy, and sex have gotten off track in your relationship? You’re stuck in a rut, and nothing is getting you back on track.
Couples Sex Therapy will help you reclaim the physical closeness you long for. You'll discover how to bridge the gaps to have a satisfying, fulfilling relationship.
Ready to get started? Schedule a FREE 15-minute Phone Consultation.
Intimacy in your relationship isn't what you expected it to be.
You got married and imagined having a great sex life. You knew that sex cools off in all relationships, but in your gut, you believed that the two of you would continue to be passionate. Is this you?
- You thought you were on the same page before you got married or committed.
- The excitement died down when you expected it would heat up.
- You're tired of feeling rejected.
- Sex isn't as satisfying it could be.
- Your partner isn't very sensitive to your needs.
When you try to talk about the problems, you both feel worse.
You’ve tried to talk about the problems, but talking about it feels miserable.
- It's too embarrassing to talk about.
- Your partner avoids the discussion.
- You feel like your partner blames you for being "defective."
- You end up feeling rejected and worthless.
- Discussing it makes you feel angry, resentful, and alone.
- You make a plan but don't follow through.
- Things get better for a short time but fall right back into old patterns.
Are you tired of struggling with this problem alone? Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation to learn how Couples Sex Therapy can help.
The consequences of not fixing your intimacy issues are more troubling than other problems.
This isn’t like deciding what to eat for dinner, how to spend the weekend, or when to set bedtime for the kids. It hits you in the gut and changes how you think about yourself.
Not being able to fix this problem:
- Damages your self-esteem.
- Makes you wonder if you are still attractive.
- Worries you about the future of your relationship.
- Makes you worry if you can trust your partner's faithfulness.
The passion may have died down for reasons that make sense.
Every long-term relationship goes through many seasons. Each season has it’s unique challenges and rewards. Every time there is a change, you need to renegotiate intimacy and sex with your partner.
- You and your partner may have different needs for affection and intimacy.
- Things changed after you made a commitment to the relationship.
- The transition to parenthood affected each of you differently.
- A health problem created barriers to "the way you used to do it."
- Over the years, your body has changed in ways that changed your sexuality.
- Relationship problems have killed the "in love" feeling.
Ready to get to work? Schedule a Free 15-minute Phone Consultation today.
Whether you understand why it's happening or not, you still need the problem fixed.
A lot of what you’ve heard about sex is wrong. The definition of a “sexless marriage” is based on a narrow research definition that doesn’t fit real life. Following conventional wisdom will make you feel more frustrated and hopeless.
Let me clear up some myths and misconceptions.
- No one gets to define what your sex life “should” look like except you and your partner(s).
- All couples have desire discrepancy at some point in their relationship. You are two separate people. You’re not supposed to be in complete agreement about everything all the time.
- Couples in long-term relationships go through many seasons. During each, you need to renegotiate the relationship including affection, intimacy, and sex. For many couples, this leads to more arguing and disconnection. This is normal.
- As you work through obstacles, your relationship will transform and grow. Couples fall in love again and again throughout their relationship. Each new stage brings opportunities to grow closer.
Conversations are the best way to move through these renegotiations.
If your relationship communication and problem solving skills are not up to the challenge, you are going to struggle.
- Maybe you never explicitly negotiated intimacy to begin with.
- These conversations feel awkward, vulnerable, and embarrassing.
- You may have learned that affection, intimacy, and sex should happen spontaneously.
- It's easy to feel hurt or criticized by honest feedback.
- The tension can lead to arguments or feeling rejected or shutdown.
- You have the same conversation over and over again. Problems are 1) dismissed, 2) brushed off, or 3) promises only last a short time.
The way out of this painful mess is to work with a Couples Sex Therapist.
A Couples Sex Therapist will teach you relationship skills and guide you to a close, connected, and passionate relationship.
Working together, your Couples Sex Therapist will:
- ensure emotional safety.
- help you negotiate so both of your needs get met.
- recognize and support you when the conversation gets off track.
- teach new options and relationship skills.
- support positive changes.
- be a neutral third party.
- help you heal old relationship injuries that get in the way of intimacy.
Ready to get to work? Schedule a Free 15-minute Phone Consultation today.
If you could have fixed these problems on your own, you already would have.
How much more time will you struggle to “get on the same page?” In a long term relationship, problems can drag on for years without resolution. Unless you do something different.
You deserve a relationship where you can each be your authentic selves AND experience deep connection and intimacy.
Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation to learn how Couples Sex Therapy can help.
Frequently Asked Questions
What happens in Couples Sex Therapy? Will I have to do anything I'm uncomfortable with?
In therapy, we will talk openly and honestly about the problem and choose steps to solve it. Together, we decide on homework that moves you towards your goals. You complete the homework between sessions so you can test what works best for you. Your therapist will ask about the results and support you in taking the next steps. You will not perform any sexual act during sessions.
Will you make me feel guilty for not having sex with my partner?
There are valid reasons for your current intimacy problems. You have complex feelings about the problem, your responses, and your partner’s reactions. Your therapist will help your partner hear you and consider your needs. They will not judge you or pressure you into doing anything.
I don't want "duty sex" or my spouse to "take one for the team." How can therapy help turn someone on who is turned off?
You might be surprised to hear that most people agree with you. They want an exuberant “yes” from their partner. In therapy, you and your partner will identify the barriers that are shutting down intimacy. Then, we can find the path to desire for BOTH of you.
I feel terrible about my body. I don't know how to allow myself to feel again.
Aging, childbirth, weight gain, poor self-image, health problems, and relationship issues can change how we feel about our bodies. What you are experiencing is normal. Together, we will identify what’s changed and how to get to know the new you. We’ll talk about what gives you pleasure as you are now.
What if my partner never wants to have sex again?
I wish I could reassure you that sex will be the way you imagine and expect. Your partner has their own needs. Therapy will help you bridge the gap between your needs and your partner’s needs. It’s hard to predict how that will look at the end. Your needs can’t be ignored, but neither can theirs.
I get so embarrassed when we talk about sex. I'm afraid it will be worse with another person there.
Talking about sex can feel uncomfortable. In therapy, couples often find it helps to have another person in the conversation. A neutral third party can bring up topics that you wouldn’t and help you keep the conversation on track.
Do we need to be married to go to Couples Sex Therapy?
Any couple (or other relationship constellation) can go to Couples Sex Therapy regardless of their marital or legal status.
What if my partner doesn't want to participate?
Usually there is one partner who is more reluctant to get help. Sometimes, they are willing to do a Couples Relationship Checkup because it’s limited to three sessions. If they are absolutely against participating, consider Individual Relationship Counseling instead.
How do we get started?
1. Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation. After scheduling, watch for a confirmation email. It directs you to the Pre-Call Questionnaire. Attend the call as a couple or one of you can learn all the details. During the call, ask any questions that you have and learn more about how Couples Sex Therapy can help you. If Therapy is what you need, we’ll schedule your first appointment while we’re on the phone.
2. Before the first initial therapy appointment, sign the consent documents which give permission for your therapist to work with you.
3. Complete the 3-session Couples Relationship Checkup.
4. Set goals that fit your situation.