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Neurodiverse Couples Therapy
Building Connections, Celebrating Differences
You’ve always known that you and your partner operate differently in the world. You just see things in polar opposite ways. At first, you reveled in each other’s quirks. As your relationship deepened and life became more complicated, these difference started causing problems.
You’re at the stage when you need your joint life to run more smoothly. The arguments and silence, miscommunications and misunderstandings are getting in the way.
You need a translator. Someone who understands how neurodiversity shows up in your relationship.
You’ve been to therapy before. Because they didn’t address neurodiversity, your relationship didn’t improve. Instead:
- One of you felt blamed for the problems.
- None of the tools worked for your relationship.
- The therapist mislabeled the problems and was frustrated that you didn't "get it."
- You often felt more depressed and hopeless after sessions.
It’s not that you didn’t try–it just didn’t work for you. You wondered if your relationship was beyond hope. Yet, you love one another.
We specialize in supporting neurodiverse couples to thrive together. Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation to learn how Neurodiverse Couples Therapy can help you.
Neurodiversity takes many forms. Some commonly identified neurodiversities are Autism, ADHD, Learning Differences, and Highly Sensitive Persons. You might both have a neurodiversity or only one of you. Either way, it has profound effects on your relationship. At the core, it means that you and your partner have different experiences in the same situations. It affects:
- your communication styles
- each partner's sensory needs
- how you process experiences emotionally
- organization skills
- understanding one another's perspective
- building a support system of family and friends
- resulting mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety
- expectations about how a relationship "should" be
- what it means to feel close and connected
Using two different “operating systems” can cause intense clashes or deafening distance. Even defining the problem is something you don’t agree on.
Need help navigating the differences between you? Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation to learn more about Neurodiverse Couples Therapy.
All couples have to negotiate their differences. In your relationship, it feels like the differences are insurmountable. When you can’t “figure it out” together, it can lead to some dysfunctional and troubling relationship patterns:
- One partner may carry too much of the emotional labor in the family.
- The couple may have adopted rigid standards that aren't flexible enough to meet each person's needs.
- Seemingly small interactions can erupt into hurtful outbursts.
- One partner may feel cut off from the rest of the family.
- Partners may look outside the relationship to meet their needs in ways that threaten the relationship.
- As a couple, you skip many of the "easy" relationship connecting activities because they seem too hard to navigate.
- One partner makes unilateral decisions that are hard for everyone else in the family to live with.
- It feels like you are walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner.
Over time, the problems build up and feel like they define the relationship.
Your relationship deserves specialized care. Work with a therapist who will recognize the true cause of dysfunctional patterns in your relationship. Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation today!
Therapy shouldn't make it worse or be "neutral at best." You deserve help that will make your relationship fundamentally better.
Many therapists aren’t trained to recognize adult autism. Even when it’s labeled, neurodiversity can affect every part of your relationship. A skillful clinician will be able to identify and understand that neurodiversity is a difference, not a deficit, and help you negotiate those differences.
Working with a specially trained therapist, you will:
- Understand how neurodiversity shows up in your relationship.
- Slow down your interactions so you can intervene when it matters most.
- Learn communication and problem solving tools that help you solve the problems that block closeness and connection.
- Recognize the deeper meaning hidden in your partner's behavior.
- Develop relationship habits and rituals that fit who each of you are.
- Reduce stress, frustration, irritability, resentment, and loneliness.
- Negotiate differences in sensory and emotional needs so both of you feel taken care of.
- Navigate the powerful forces of special interests and hobbies.
- Explore relationship topics that are currently off-limits because of miscommunications and misunderstandings.
- Collaborate to manage difficult situations such as social events and your kids' needs.
- Cultivate interactions that help your partner feel heard and understood.
- Balance the workload and relationship power.
- Soothe one another's emotional needs so you feel like partners.
- Create rules that fit your relationship.
- Reenforce the connection between you with meaningful intimacy.
- Cherish and value the differences in your unique personalities and preferences.
Instead of seeing differences as a problem, you'll learn to revel in the differences. You'll co-create a relationship that truly fits who each of you are.
Ready to get started? Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation today!
Not every couple needs the same things. In couples therapy, we will begin with a Couples Relationship Checkup which is a good assessment of the relationship. You’ll explore the path that got you here and identify the problematic patterns of interactions. We’ll use that information to create a relationship roadmap that meets your unique needs.
Ready to get started? Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation today!
Frequently Asked Questions
Do you have experience working with Neurodiverse Couples?
My style of working with couples has always focused on the nuts and bolts of how to get along. I’ve worked with many couples where one partner had a diagnosed or undiagnosed neurodiversity. I’ve also completed the Neurodiverse Couples Therapy Certification through AANE.
I think that my partner might be neurodiverse, but they aren't willing to even talk about it. Can you help them consider their differences or help us without labeling them?
In the past, it’s been rare for adults to be diagnosed with a neurodiversity. It was believed that only children could receive the diagnosis. In fact, diagnosis focused on only the most extreme behaviors. It’s becoming more common for adults to seek a diagnosis, but many people worry about negative repercussions or stigma attached to it. I work from a neurodiverse lens with all couples, whether they have a diagnosis or not. Instead of looking for a label, we may talk about how you each operate differently in the world, which often gets to the same place.
Do we need to be married to go to Couples Therapy?
Any couple (or other relationship constellation) can go to Couples Therapy regardless of their marital or legal status.
What if my partner doesn't want to participate?
Usually there is one partner who is more reluctant to get help. Sometimes, they are willing to do a Couples Relationship Checkup because it’s limited to three sessions. If they are absolutely against participating, consider Individual Relationship Counseling instead.
How do we get started?
1. Schedule a FREE Phone Consultation. After scheduling, watch for a confirmation email. It directs you to the Pre-Call Questionnaire. Attend the call as a couple or one of you can learn all the details. During the call, ask any questions that you have and learn more about how Couples Therapy can help you. If Therapy is what you need, we’ll schedule your first appointment while we’re on the phone.
2. Before the first initial therapy appointment, sign the consent documents which give permission for your therapist to work with you.
3. Complete the 3-session Couples Relationship Checkup.
4. Set goals that fit your situation.