Opening up to a therapist takes courage. It takes a few sessions before they understand your situation. And maybe a few more before you know if they can actually help you.
Once you’ve invested the time and energy into finding a therapist, scheduling the appointments, arranging the funds and your calendar, showing up, and telling your story, it can feel overwhelming to even consider switching to someone new.
Yet there are times when a therapist or therapeutic approach just isn’t the right fit. Not because it’s a waste of time, and not because you are irreparably broken.
“Is this therapy, this therapist, helping me?” This is a question I hear almost every week.
As a Couples Sex Therapist, many of my clients are working on both relationship and personal growth at the same time. Even when they like their therapist a lot, many wonder if it’s worth the effort or making a noticeable difference in their lives.
Finding the right therapist is about finding someone whose personality, expertise, and style (pacing, tone, expressions of empathy) uniquely match what you need in order to grow.
Because of this, finding a therapist who is a good fit matters.
To help you answer these questions, I asked the therapists themselves. Depending on their training and expertise, I expected them to approach the question differently, offering you multiple ways to think it through. Even the questions they suggest show how different the experience can be from one therapist to another. When questions are repeated, it often indicates they apply to most situations.
Here’s what they had to say:
Rachel DuPaul, PhD, LP
Better Balance Psychology
betterbalancepsychology.com
How do you think therapy helps people live better lives?
Talking freely, without the fear of judgement and honoring all parts of you is helpful and healing by itself, but having an outside perspective is crucial for making you see alternative perspectives and possible movements for change.
What questions could a person ask to know if therapy is helping them?
- Do I have at least one new insight or action item every session?
- Do I feel my therapist is collaborating with me instead of just telling me what to do?
- Do I feel more hopeful that life doesn’t have to maintain the way it’s going after talking to my therapist?
What is your therapeutic specialty?
Career burnout
What advice would you give about finding a therapist in your specialty?
An active therapist style; at least 5+ years in the field; a network of career coaches
Laura Zane Nwagbaraocha, MA, LMHC
Sage Synergy Counseling and Wellness
www.sagesynergy.net
How do you think therapy helps people live better lives?
Because it made a difference in mine 🙂 I think because with proper guidance people can grow and make changes, break ancestral curses.
What questions could a person ask to know if therapy is helping them?
- Do I leave therapy sessions thinking about things and wanting to make changes, does it leave me pondering?
- Am I making connections and beginning to shift the way I am responding to the world?
- Have I begun to lose old, unhealthy relationships?
- Am I using my voice and setting boundaries?
What is your therapeutic specialty?
Neurodivergent-specifically AuDHD women and multi-exceptional homeschoolers
What advice would you give about finding a therapist in your specialty?
Look for someone who understands the interplay of your specific neurodivergences, not just one aspect. Make sure they are trauma informed as trauma goes hand and hand often with AuDHD, trust your gut when picking your therapist-sometimes someone looks good on paper but there isn’t a click
Dorlee Michaeli, MBA, LCSW
Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist & EMDR-Certified Trauma Specialist
www.dorleemichaeli.com
How do you think therapy helps people live better lives?
Because therapy gives you something few high-achievers ever get – a safe space to slow down and feel. When you start listening to your emotions instead of overriding them, you gain access to wisdom and self-trust that can’t be learned from books or strategy. Over time, therapy helps you build an inner sense of safety that ripples out into every part of your life – work, relationships, and self-worth.
What questions could a person ask to know if therapy is helping them?
- Do I feel emotionally safe enough to be honest, even about the parts of myself I usually hide?
- Am I starting to respond differently in real life i.e., with less overthinking, calmer, more self-kindness?
- Does my therapist help me connect my current struggles to old survival patterns that once made sense but no longer serve me?
- Am I learning new ways to soothe my body, not just manage my mind?
- Do I leave most sessions with more clarity and compassion for myself than when I came in?
What is your therapeutic specialty?
I specialize in helping quiet, high-achieving professionals – often women in tech, finance, and healthcare – overcome anxiety, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and trauma-related patterns that keep them feeling “never enough.” My work blends psychoanalytic insight with EMDR therapy to help clients not only understand their patterns but reprocess the experiences that shaped them, so they can lead with calm confidence instead of chronic self-pressure.
What advice would you give about finding a therapist in your specialty?
Look for a therapist who feels both attuned and real. You want someone who can hold your drive for excellence with respect, while gently challenging the perfectionism underneath. In trauma-informed therapy, safety and pacing are everything. Ask how they approach both emotional and nervous-system safety. And notice how you feel in your body after a session: lighter, calmer, or more grounded often signals that the work is helping you regulate rather than overwhelm.
Emily Braun, MPA, MSW, LGSW
Thomas Integrative Psychotherapy
www.thomasintegrativetherapy.com
How do you think therapy helps people live better lives?
Therapy is a space to be seen and heard. It gives a person the time to reflect on their experiences, how they feel about them, and how they’ve been affected so they can have a deeper self-understanding. People can increase access to themselves to enhance choice, activation, and fulfillment in their lives. Through expression, self- compassion, exploration, and learning skills one can find more authenticity, meaning, and peace.
What questions could a person ask to know if therapy is helping them?
- Do I feel like I can be myself with my therapist?
- Does therapy challenge me?
- Am I becoming more aware of and safe in exploring my emotions, thoughts, and behaviors?
- Am I being presented with tools and activities to obtain closure and connection, feel grounded, and access my wisest self?
- Am I exploring and further defining who I am and want to be?
What is your therapeutic specialty?
Major life transitions, grief, anxiety, depression, existential challenges
What advice would you give about finding a therapist in your specialty?
You as the client are the determinant of your values, meaning, purpose, and needs, and your therapist of good fit will help you explore those and highlight them as you describe them.
Look for someone who supports you on the journey of change and healing because it is a lifelong process. There will always be more and many destinations with no one way to get to any of them.
Lindsey Gould, LMSW-C
Lindsey Gould Counseling
lindseygouldcounseling.com
How do you think therapy helps people live better lives?
Therapy provides a safe space to explore and make sense of what is really happening with them. It helps us to connect current struggles with past experiences and identify patterns. It can help us to identify our feelings and what underlies our reactions to situations that may distress us. Therapy can also teach tools for managing stress, anxiety, or depression.
What questions could a person ask to know if therapy is helping them?
- Do I notice any shifts in how I relate to myself or others?
- Do I understand myself or my patterns better?
- Am I using what I learn in therapy outside of my therapy sessions?
- Do I see any growth or movement in my life, even if it’s small?
What is your therapeutic specialty?
Trauma (childhood, medical), chronic illness, EMDR
What advice would you give about finding a therapist in your specialty?
What do you want to work on?
Do you want specific techniques (EMDR, IFS, etc.) and/or homework, or do you want a more conversational style?
Look for a therapist who lists your concerns and/or modalities that match it.
Read their website and bio and pay attention to how you feel while you’re reading it. Do you feel understood? Do you feel as if the therapist is speaking to you?
Schedule a consultation, either by phone or video.
Pay attention to how you feel while you’re speaking to them. Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel safe? Do you feel heard? Do you feel like you can be yourself?
It’s okay to speak to different therapists in order to find one who makes you feel comfortable. Remember, therapy is deeply personal, so it’s important that you feel safe and comfortable with the therapist you choose.
Dr. Cheri Timko, Ph.D., LPC
Soulmates Journey
www.soulmatesjourney.com
How do you think therapy helps people live better lives?
Couples therapy is important because it teaches new skills, helps build a deeper connection and repair relationship injuries, and develop a better life together.
What questions could a person ask to know if therapy is helping them?
- What goals did you have when going to therapy and what progress have you made towards them?
- Does your therapist understand you and use your time wisely?
- Can you share things with your therapist that you can’t tell others and are you open to their feedback? Does their feedback make you feel better (happier, more capable, healthier)?
- Does your therapist show up on time and share personal information about themselves that is directly related to the issues you are struggling with?
What is your therapeutic specialty?
Intimate Relationship Therapy, Neurodiverse Couples, Sex Therapy, Affair Recovery, Desire Discrepancy, Professional and Entrepreneur Couples
What advice would you give about finding a therapist in your specialty?
For relationship issues, find a therapist who is specially trained to work with couples. If possible, work with one who is certified because it shows that they understand a pathway to help you solve your problems. Read their website to learn as much about how they work with couples as possible. The therapist who is the best fit will write in a way that resonates with you and/or talk about the problems you are facing.
Work with a therapist who can empathize with both you and your partner. It’s hard to trust someone who takes sides, even if they are on your side.
If things aren’t getting better by about 3 months, consider working with a different therapist. In most cases, your relationship might not be fixed, but you will know if things are moving in the right direction by that point.
I hope that reading the suggestions gave you peace of mind or inspired you to consider a change. Asking the questions doesn’t mean you’ve failed at therapy, and it doesn’t mean your therapist has failed you. It often means you’re paying attention to your own experience and taking your growth seriously.
If your therapy feels less than perfect for you, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s time to quit. Sometimes the next step is a conversation, a shift in focus, or finding clarity about what you need. Whether that clarity leads you to change the direction of your current therapy or to switch tracks altogether, neither path means failure. Personal growth is a journey and clarity helps guide the next step.
You are the one who lives your life, so you get to decide what’s right for you. These questions help you reflect on what feels supportive, what feels stuck, and what helps you move toward the life or relationship you want. Even when therapy feels difficult or pushes you outside your comfort zone, you get to choose how far you stretch.
The hope is not that you find a perfect answer, but that you feel more confident in your ability to notice, evaluate, and choose. That confidence can remind you that there ARE answers to the challenges you face.
If you need therapy to improve your relationship and you’re curious about my work, you can schedule a free phone consultation. It’s a chance to ask questions and see whether working together feels like a good next step.
If you need therapy to improve your relationship and you’re curious about my work, you can schedule a free phone consultation. It’s a chance to ask questions and see whether working together feels like a good next step.
